LIFE : A prison sentence with no real release date

My mother cares my sister more than she cares s for me.... I show her so much love, but in return there is no love... I try hard to b as much perfect, but everything always ends up bad... I don really know how...& I become the bad person "sorry" "Mentally unstable"

Whenever she cries... I feel like crying...but Icontrol myself....cos j have always been said that I'm super sensitive for nothing but my sister cries bout everything bcos she's hurt...

However, whenever i cry.. she will end up hurting .e  even more.

She makes obnoxious jokes of me. - Abour my body, face, & personality.

She can say stuff like “I want you to die”.. “I don’t care for you”.. “I hate you so much”.. or bad words in fact. (Swears) repeatedly again & again & again... Which is jus a joke for her... I have been hearing it for years now

I say this because I have never felt the love that she truly loves my sister. Feeling love from her would be the #1 thing I’d ever want.2# acceptance from my father... I try so hard.. but it never works. I

Trying to move on....

When she is having those self importance, selfishness, ego and pride that she deem is more important than me... Many things I can never tell anyone... Bcos no wud blive it.... .

When i talk to her about things I want to share... she either wave it & she will purposely look away and have no response by looking somewhere else... Or mumbling to an extent I can hear way she says...  I listen to every bit she talks... sometimes repeating the same thing... I listen patiently... Hence i learnt to walk away.

When she keeps criticizing my looks and figure and laughing and doubting my ability to do something, my mistakes r highlighted emphasize while my sister's thy make make it minor... My mom's & sis team up & lie again and again, and you know it intuitively but thy try to desperately cover it unsuccessfully, The lies she told are about my stuff.... My has practices double standard in all matters wen it comes to me...

My feelings r never important... Thy talk eat thy like...I learnt to walk away

What's Happening,

my life in short has been a roller coaster ride...!! Life @ how can't be more miserable than i expected it to be. i don't really know what problem my mom has with me, but i'm pretty sure she doesn't like me. one thing i failed the most is impressing my parents, unfortunately i have successfully demolished it. i think life is great for me when i'm left home alone. my sister makes a lot of scene out of nothing. her tantrums are normal to my parents, but i kinda find it very atrocious, bcos wen i did the same i got all possible slaps with words and behavior. 

my mom makes a scene out of nothing as i said before, even out of nothing. my dad calls me a compulsive liar, but wen my  mom lies & manipulates stuff ( which she did wen my grandfather was alive, she told me all the ill stuff about him, eventually wen the truth came out decades later i was devastated... i jus felt so much guilt build inside me for all the torture my mom put him thru) my grandfather passed away in 2012. Since his death not a day goes by i don't think about him & all the words i told him, i ask for his forgiveness. my grandfather was alone in a room with  a television for over few years before his death. i truly believe in karma, i have felt and gone thru what he had gone thru. my mom's next bait was me. My mom loves my sister blindly that all her lies are unbelievable to happen (expect maybe in movies) my parents blindly believe in them. being a scapegoat to my mom & point of venting source. its hard for anyone to believe that a mom could torture her daughter both emotionally & mentally. My mom and sis have the same character if not at least close, i never speak the way my sister hurts with words, i tried explaining to my dad about this he was least bothered. To tell about my  mom is far further even to talk, bcos he believes i'm a compulsive liar, so i lie & talk only non sense. but one thing is sure if i don't get a job my 2019 Jan. there will ne no more me. I'm sure my mom & sis would be happy & my dad might feel bad since there will be no one for him to constantly taunt. my mom may feel bad a bit since my sister won't take crap.
my mom in short is distorted self-image. Emotions can be unstable and intense, and there is excessive concern with vanity, prestige, power, and personal adequacy. There also tends to be a lack of empathy and an exaggerated sense of superiority.

my mom's golden child is my sister and she provides privileges to her as long as she does just as she wants. My mom expects that my sister has to be cared for assiduously by everyone in the family. i have no needs and instead gets to do the caring. according t my mom my sister can never do nothing wrong. I'm always at fault. my sister has a large investment in the mother being wise and wonderful, to me she hates me . my mom protects her lies and in turn they lie together to protect each other, in short its blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior. My sister is always defended, my mom closes her eyes wen it comes to my sister, for example just today we had a incident where many occasions i have been told the same, but my mom got aggravated along with her, end i was the wrong one to have said and did everything, her tantrums are perfectly right
my mom indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame me for everything she does and at times wen my sister does something wrong, i will be tagged along. my sister gladly takes & behaves similiarly like how my mom doesn't respect me, my mom and sis are very good at abusing with words, belittle my character. talks whatever comes to there mouth.. throw words without even thinking if i'm HUMAN. End of it all.. i look like crazy. 
my mom manipulates my emotions in order to feed on my pain.
i can never tell anyone about anything of this, cos no would believe. i can never talk about my mom & sister to my dad, he wont blive a word i say. infact there were few occasions he called me a manipulative person. i'm pretty sure my mom would have feed his brains about things probably i never did. or exaggerate small thingsx

My Living existence

My State of life... 

I'm not sure where to begin as to what I'm going thru. It's very hard to express exactly what you feel deep inside. My life has been upside down for a long time now!! On January 3rd 2018 I got job... Which probably I would have never thought of happening in real life,but it did!! However that job dint last long. I still wonder what really went wrong. My dad who always says "MY MENTAL STATE IS NOT GOOD" but he always corrects it by saying "IM MENTALLY NOT STRONG" one of the hardest thing is when you are never appreciated. My sister doesn't respect me. I told my dad about this he only says one thing, "IGNORE" I know my parents much love my sister & trust her more than me, & let her run her mouth wit words that would eventually break anyone's heart. My parents know my nature but my mum she always says, I don't respect her. 

My LIFE IN SHORT: 

I do abnormal & you do it's normal
I talk nonsense & all u talk only makes sense
My behavior is abnormal  & 
Same behaviour when u do it's normal
I should never show wat I feel, 
Cos I have no heart (as u say)
But wen u behave same it's normal 
Wen I behave it's horrible
I talk to men its sexully motivated,
However when honey talks,it's friemdship
My life is such a fatal accident
I can never recover from the hammering & ignorance,
I think I can never understand  why the difference. 
I'm the scapegoat & honey the golden child 
You can never stop talkin bout my past 
But,I shouldn't talk bout wat happened yesterday 
Bcos according to you its past